Tomorrow is fresh with no mistakes in it!

~Anne Shirley (Anne of Green Gables)

Lord knows I could use a fresh start. I awoke this morning with the feeling that it’s time. Time for a new start. Time for a new thing.  A new season, if you will. The canvas is empty, and I have no idea what the painting will look like. Today I will take a step into a new season. It’s taken me long enough to realize that God can only reach so far in my life as I allow Him.  I’m flinging the door wide open today. Lost dreams from the past are just that. They are the past. I can’t go back and attain the dreams I dreamed in the past, so I will , instead, dream new dreams.  My fervent prayer is that of this song. Lord move or move me!

Behold, I will do a new thing. It springs forth now. Don’t you know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert.

~GOD (Isaiah 43:19, WEB)

Since Christmas is close, it’s time to share one of my favorite Christmas tales. The author remains unknown, but I wish I knew him or her so that I could share my gratitude for the beautiful reminder that the story contains.

In September 1960, I woke up one morning with six hungry babies and just 75 cents in my pocket. Their father was gone.  The boys ranged from three months to seven years; their sister was two.

Their Dad had never been much more than a presence they feared.  Whenever they heard his tires crunch on the gravel driveway they would scramble to hide under their beds. He did manage to leave $15 a week to buy groceries. Now that he had decided to leave, there would be no more beatings, but no food either.

If there was a welfare system in effect in southern Indiana at that time, I certainly knew nothing about it. I scrubbed the kids until they looked brand new and then put on my best homemade  dress. I loaded them into the rusty old 51 Chevy and drove off to find a job.

The seven of us went to every factory, store and restaurant in our small town. No luck. The kids stayed crammed into the car and tried to be quiet while I tried to convince whomever would listen that I was willing to learn or do anything. I had to have a job. Still no luck.

The last place we went to, just a few miles out of town, was an old Root Beer Barrel drive-in that had been converted to a truck stop. It was called the Big Wheel. An old lady named Granny owned the place and she peeked out of the window from time to time at all those kids. She needed someone on the graveyard shift, 11 at night until seven in the morning. She paid 65 cents an hour and I could start that night.

I raced home and called the teenager down the street that baby-sat for people. I bargained with her to come and sleep on my sofa for a dollar a night. She could arrive with her pajamas on and the kids would already be asleep. This seemed like a good arrangement to her, so we made a deal.

That night when the little ones and I knelt to say our prayers we all thanked God for finding Mommy a job. And so I started at the Big Wheel. When I got home in the mornings I woke the baby-sitter up and sent her home with one dollar of my tip money-fully half of what I averaged every night. As the weeks went by, heating bills added a strain to my meager wage. The tires on the old Chevy had the consistency of penny balloons and began to leak. I had to fill them with air on the way to work and again every morning before I could go home. One bleak fall morning, I dragged myself to the car to go home and found four tires in the back seat. New tires! There was no note, no nothing, just those beautiful brand new tires. Had angels taken up residence in Indiana? I wondered.

I made a deal with the owner of the local service station. In exchange for his mounting the new tires, I would clean up his office. I remember it took me a lot longer to scrub his floor than it did for him to do the tires. I was now working six nights instead of five and it still wasn’t enough.

Christmas was coming and I knew there would be no money for toys for the kids. I found a can of red paint and started repairing and painting some old toys. Then I hid them in the basement so there would be something for Santa to deliver on Christmas morning. Clothes were a worry too. I was sewing patches on top of patches on the boys pants and soon they would be too far gone to repair. On Christmas Eve, the usual customers were drinking coffee in the Big Wheel. These were the truckers, Les, Frank, and Jim, and a state trooper named Joe.

A few musicians were hanging around after a gig at the Legion and were dropping nickels in the pinball machine. The regulars all just sat around and talked through the wee hours of the morning and then left to get home before the sun came up. When it was time for me to go home at 7:00 A.M. on Christmas morning, I hurried to the car. I was hoping the kids wouldn’t wake up before I managed to get home and get the presents from the basement and place them under the tree. We had cut down a small cedar tree by the side of the road down by the dump. It was still dark and I couldn’t see much, but there appeared to be some dark shadows in the car-or was that just a trick of the night?

Something certainly looked different, but it was hard to tell what. When I reached the car I peered warily into one of the side windows Then my jaw dropped in amazement. My old battered Chevy was filled full to the top with boxes of all shapes and sizes. I quickly opened the driver’s side door, scrambled inside and kneeled in the front facing the back seat.

Reaching back, I pulled off the lid of the top box. Inside was a whole case of little blue jeans, sizes 2-10! I looked inside another box: It was full of shirts to go with the jeans. Then I peeked inside some of the other boxes: There was candy and nuts and bananas and bags of groceries. There was an enormous ham for baking, and canned vegetables and potatoes. There was pudding and Jell-O and cookies, pie filling and flour. There was a whole bag of laundry supplies and cleaning items. And there were five toy trucks and one beautiful little doll. As I drove back through empty streets as the sun slowly rose on the most amazing Christmas Day of my life, I was sobbing with gratitude. And I will never forget the joy on the faces of my little ones that precious morning.

Yes, there were angels in Indiana that long-ago December. And they all hung out at the Big Wheel truck stop.

Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for by this some have entertained angels without knowing it.  Hebrews 13:2 NASB

I can’t say it any better than this…

I Dreamed A Dream

(Les Miserables)

There was a time, when men were kind
And their voices were soft
And their words were inviting
There was a time, when love was blind
And the world was a song
And the song was exciting
There was a time it all went wrong

I dreamed a dream in time gone by
When hope was high and life worth living
I dreamed that love would never die
I dreamed that God would be forgiving

Then I was young and unafraid
And dreams were made and used and wasted
There was no ransom to be paid
No song unsung, no wine untasted

But the tigers come at night
With their voices soft as thunder
As they turn your hope apart
As they turn your dreams to shame

He slept a summer by my side
He filled my dreams with endless wonder
He took my childhood in his stride
But he was gone when autumn came

And still I dream he’d come to me
That we would live the years together
But there are dreams that cannot be
And there are storms we cannot weather

I had a dream my life would be
So different from the hell I’m living
So different now from what it seemed
Now life has killed the dream I dreamed

Send “I Dreamed a Dream” Ringtone to Your Cell

That eight day mission would forever change my life and heart. I met people who lived in abject poverty. I met children who made a garbage dump their home. They had so little, that we were mobbed one night when we brought out animal balloons for them. However, in the midst of their own poverty, they proved themselves to be a gracious people. They gave of what little they had each and every day to bless us and show their thankfulness. Every day it became more evident that the people of Nicaragua were not poor. Indeed they were rich.

That eight day visit to Nicaragua would later turn into a 4 month study abroad experience. I was allowed the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to live with and among the people of Nicaragua or Las Nicas, as we so affectionately called them. Every day as I walked the broken down streets, I was faced with reminders of the devastation left by war and earthquakes. Buildings that once were the pride of a city, still stood in ruins years later. On each corner stood a mama selling fruit or a papa cooking chicharones to sell and make ends meet. Then there was the middle aged man who would climb the bus every day calling “Chiclet peso! Chiclet peso!”, which means Chiclet (gum) for one cent! I always imagined that he had a family to feed, and that selling penny bublegum was the only means he had to fulfill their need. All these years later, I can still see his face. It haunts me at times, and I wonder if he was ever able to make a better life for himself and his family.

In those four short months, Nicaragua became my home and its people became my people. Looking back today at the current economic situation in Nicaragua, I see that not much has changed. The most striking constant in the lives of the Nicaraguans is that they are still indeed rich. They may not be rich in material wealth. Many may still lay their head on a dirt floor each night, but the rich heart of the people remains. I will be forever grateful for the opportunity to know the people of Nicaragua. Their grace in the face of poverty is a lesson I hope I never forget.

Throw all your worry on him, because he cares for you.

1 Peter 5:7  ISV

Such a simple truth.  This is my mantra today as I walk the road less traveled .

Click to Play Video

…Later on, in the third year of the drought, the Lord said to Elijah, “Go and present yourself to King Ahab. Tell him that I will soon send rain!”…

Then Elijah said to Ahab, “Go get something to eat and drink, for I hear a mighty rainstorm coming!”…Then he said to his servant, “Go and look out toward the sea.” The servant went and looked, then returned to Elijah and said, “I didn’t see anything.”  Seven times Elijah told him to go and look.

Finally the seventh time, his servant told him, “I saw a little cloud about the size of a man’s hand rising from the sea.” Then Elijah shouted, “Hurry to Ahab and tell him, ‘Climb into your chariot and go back home. If you don’t hurry, the rain will stop you!”  And soon, the sky was black with clouds…

–Selections from 1 Kings Chapter 18, NLT

Like the poor wayfaring stranger that they speak about in song
I’m just a weary pilgrim trying to find my own way home
Oh sweet Jesus if you’re out there, keep me ever close to you
As I’m travelin’, travelin’, travelin’, as I’m travelin’ thru

–Dolly Parton,  from the song Travelin Thru

I write this post as my three littles are sitting down to a breakfast of cold cereal.  The oldest is trying to “mama” the other two. Four year old middle daughter is screaming her head off for the 3rd time today (and it’s only 8:30 AM) and my sweet son is coming back and forth to sneak sips of my first cup of coffee.   We’re home alone for a couple of days while Daddy is away on important, life changing business. I wish I could go into more details so you could have the full picture, but that isn’t possible at the moment. More on that later, hopefully.

I am the epitome of a “stumbling mama” right now.  It seems the past 10 years of marriage and the last 7 years of motherhood  have been one stumbling block after another, but I am becoming more determined each day that I will survive with at least a few hairs left on my head (even if they are all gray).
I can’t pretend to understand the whys behind all of the problems life has thrown our way.  Many, many times I’ve felt as if I had nowhere to turn.  I have spent years having given up on the Lord of my youth.  I felt as if He’d abandoned me…as if all that I was taught about God’s infinite love and care was a myth.

I find myself once again turning back to the God I once knew well.  I’m going to give Him another chance, if He’ll have me.  Once more, I will turn myself full force and run into the arms of what I hope to be proven a loving and caring Father.  I do have my doubts.  I’m so frightened of being proven wrong once and for all.  I deeply want the future to hold good things for our little family.  I desire peace like a person in the desert would crave a sip of water to quench her thirst.

The Journey has been long, and I crave answers that I’m not sure I will ever get this side of heaven.  Stumbling down this road my goal now is just PEACE.  I don’t need a fancy house, fancy cars or the latest fashion.  All I need is my family, my Father and blessed peace.  From now on, this will be the goal of the journey I find myself on.  I will strive not to find answers to my heart’s questions. I will only strive for peace.  This, I’ve learned, is the one thing I can’t live without.

]]> http://stumblinmama.wordpress.com/2010/04/18/talk-about-stumbling-an-open-letter-to-the-world/feed/ 1 Stumblin Mama http://stumblinmama.wordpress.com/2010/03/07/could-you-walk-a-mile/ http://stumblinmama.wordpress.com/2010/03/07/could-you-walk-a-mile/#comments Sun, 07 Mar 2010 19:22:30 +0000 Stumblin Mama http://stumblinmama.wordpress.com/?p=210 ]]>
I’ve witnessed a lot of judgment over the years. People think that they know you. They think that they have an idea of what your life is like. You own a corporation, have a beautiful family, a college degree…
But what they don’t see is what goes on when the door closes behind you each night. To those who are so quick to judge, I ask this question. Could you walk a mile in my shoes? Until you can, please hold your judgment.

You have no idea what the person on the pew next to you is going through. May we all keep that in mind the next time we see a frazzled mama bribing her babies to be good just long enough to get through the grocery store…Did you know she just separated from her husband of 10 years?

or the next time we see a well-dressed businessman rudely addressing a waitress in a restaurant…Did you know that he’s traveling on his way to his mother’s funeral?

or the Dad picking up a bottle of liquor on his way home from work to cope with the pain.  Did you know that he’s about to lose his job and has no other way to feed and clothe his kids?

Until you’ve walked that mile, you just don’t understand.

The King’s heart is in the hand of the Lord, as are the watercourses; He turns it whichever way He wills.

This will be the second time I’ve written this post.  The first time I wrote it,  I deleted it thinking the request was unnecessary.  For those of my readers who know our family intimately, you know that we have been fighting a battle for the past couple of years.  Monday, February 1st is the beginning of the end of this battle.   I know that many of my readers are believers. So, as I work to put my faith and trust back in the hands of the Lord God, I ask that you join me in prayer…

Prayer for peace for my family

Prayer that the heart of the king would be in the hands of the Lord

Prayer that we would see supernatural provision

Prayer for divine favor

Prayer, above all else, for the will of God to be done

Thank you dear friends.

]]> http://stumblinmama.wordpress.com/2010/01/30/call-to-prayer/feed/ 0 Stumblin Mama http://stumblinmama.wordpress.com/2010/01/24/i-will-not-be-moved/ http://stumblinmama.wordpress.com/2010/01/24/i-will-not-be-moved/#comments Sun, 24 Jan 2010 14:25:32 +0000 Stumblin Mama http://stumblinmama.wordpress.com/?p=195 ]]> A lot has changed in the few days since my last post.  My life has once again been seemingly turned upside down. But the difference this time is that I think I may be finding the faith that was lost.  Hanging on by my fingernails and climbing back up the mountain of belief, I can feel a change.  I refuse to move back into the realm of religiosity that I was once entrenched in.  If God is my destiny then it will be He alone and not the vain illusions of Him that I chased after for so many years.  This song sums up my feelings today…